Why do we cling to our memories of the past? Why is it so difficult for us to let go of painful and traumatic experiences?
Because of our need for certainty, many of us get stuck in the past. One of the six basic human needs is a certainty, which is fundamentally about survival. We all want to know that we can stay out of pain and, ideally, find some solace in our lives. Leaving the past behind also entails stepping into the unknown future. It requires the courage to let go of what is familiar – even if it is negative – and the vulnerability to embrace and learn from what lies ahead.
The way we link emotion to information is another reason why learning to let go of the past is so difficult. Consider a woman who possesses a feminine core. If her partner does something that causes her emotional distress, she may find herself bringing it up repeatedly throughout the relationship. Her partner believes it is impossible to win because she continues to punish him for his previous transgressions no matter what he does to improve the situation.
However, there is a very real reason why she is unable to let go of the past.
learn To Trust Self
Consider the tragic events of November 26, 2008. You probably remember who you were with and what you were doing when the terrorist attack was announced. Can you say the same thing about September 11th, 2001? When it comes to those details, your memory is most likely hazy. Few people recall what happened a month prior to the attacks. This is because we don’t remember information that isn’t associated with feelings.
When information is combined with emotion, it leaves an indelible impression. A person with a strong feminine core will attach emotion to anything that has a significant impact on them, especially if it causes them pain or suffering – making it more difficult for them to let go of the past.
When compared to someone with a masculine core, this is a big difference. Although a person who is highly masculine cares and feels deeply, masculine energy is about breaking through and letting go, whereas feminine energy is about filling up and gathering. Moving on from the past becomes increasingly difficult for those who are biologically predisposed to gather when there is still emotionally attached to a memory.
How Much It Costs Us
What does all of this cost us? How can we let go of our grip and move forward in a healthier and happier manner?
Learn how to let go of the past and start living a life filled with more joy and freedom. These eight pointers will show you how to do it.
1. MAKE LETTING GO OF THE PAST A REQUIREMENT.
The first step is to recognise what is holding you back and consider why you need to move forward. Is it a failed relationship that you’re clinging to? You can’t seem to get over a slight from a friend or family member? Do you need to forgive someone – in person or in your heart – in order to let go of your anger and move toward a more peaceful state?
Once you’ve figured out what’s holding you back, ask yourself, “What are the reasons I absolutely must move past this?” When you learn to let go of the past, how will your life change? What impact will it have on your relationships and how will it help you stay connected to your partner? And how will this new chapter of your life make you feel?
This is one of the most crucial steps in the process because it will keep you focused on letting go of the past. To achieve any goal, you must first develop a clear sense of purpose. When you feel like giving up, your purpose will serve as an emotional motivator. You will inevitably face setbacks and challenges, but if you have a compelling reason and a compelling purpose to drive you, you will remain focused and committed.
2. DETERMINE YOUR EMOTIONAL PROCESSES
Because it necessitates deep introspection, this is one of the most difficult aspects of letting go of the past. How do you go about living your life? What are some of your self-sabotaging beliefs? Emotionally, where do you reside?
You don’t notice how certain emotions, even negative ones, affect you on a daily basis when you’ve grown accustomed to them. Also, You don’t realise you’re trapped in a negative emotional cycle; you just think you’re reacting normally to any situation. However, our individual emotional habits can have a significant impact on how we view life, how we act, and how well we move on from the past. So why should we accept a life in which we empower negative emotions while disempowering positive ones?
The first step toward a more positive experience is to recognise your emotional habits. Your emotions are like muscles: you can train yourself to feel frustrated, sad, stressed, or even depressed when confronted with a difficult situation. Alternatively, you can teach yourself to be passionate, joyful, and strong even when things go wrong in your life. You can learn to let go of the past in a way that makes you feel lighter and freer rather than fearful when you take control of your emotions.
When you notice yourself falling into a negative emotional habit, try to interrupt the thought and shift gears as soon as possible. The more you condition yourself, the more those emotions become wired, and the more you adapt to any situation.
3. PREPARE YOUR MIND
Learning strategies, creating an empowering storey, and ensuring you’re in the right state to move forward are all ways to achieve life’s ultimate breakthroughs. To do so, you must condition your mind on a daily basis.
Life begins to happen to you rather than for you if you don’t take the time to examine and change your habits. If you don’t stand guard at the door of your mind, no matter how smart, savvy, or inspired you are, you’re giving tacit approval to the disempowering, disenchanting, and disillusioning. You’ll be distracted by thoughts that keep you stuck in negative patterns, rather than focusing on how to let go of the past.
Instead of telling yourself limiting stories, tell yourself empowering ones. Fill your mind with new information and optimism. Surround yourself with people who will help you improve and you will be at your best. Rather than a dry patch of weeds, focus on cultivating a thriving garden.
4. CREATE INSPIRATIONAL RITUALS
It’s not easy to let go of the past. You can cultivate that thriving garden with the help of empowering rituals. There’s a reason why the world’s most successful people all have daily routines that include things like a nutritious breakfast, meditation, exercise, and learning new skills. It’s the small daily rituals that build momentum and lead to significant change.
Another habit that can help you live in the moment rather than in the past is practising gratitude. Begin keeping a gratitude journal or incorporate it into your morning meditation. Consider everything you have to be thankful for in your current situation. Recognize that everything that has happened to you in the past has shaped you into the person you are now: a strong, powerful individual who can overcome any obstacle. It’s easier to let go of the past for good when you love yourself and your life.
5. PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL.
Trying to control how other people feel and act causes a lot of pain in life. Our circumstances appear to be the result of some mysterious force, but they are actually the result of our own choices. Negatives can be turned into positives, setbacks can be turned into opportunities, and failures can be turned into lessons. All we have to do now is accept that the only thing we have control over in life is our own actions and choices.
You can’t go back in time and undo a bad relationship, but you can learn from it. Moreover, You can’t change your past, but you can recognise that, as Tony puts it, “your past does not equal your future.” Every day is a new opportunity to start over. You make decisions from the moment you wake up. Learning to let go of the past entails breaking the cycle and focusing on creating the life you deserve rather than dwelling on the one you had previously.
6. WORK ON PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
When you want to learn how to move on from the past, there’s no better time to work on a personal growth plan. It’s not only a good way to distract yourself from negative thoughts, but it’s also empowering. Take this opportunity to consider what it means to you. Do you want to advance in your profession? Create the happy relationship you’ve always wanted? Once you’ve identified the areas you want to improve, identify the challenges you’ll face and gather the resources you’ll need to succeed. Consider working with a coach as you gather these tools for your personal development journey.
7. BE SURROUNDED BY POSITIVE PEOPLE.
It’s much more difficult to let go of the past when you’re surrounded by people who are constantly reminding you of it. It will be much easier to move forward if you surround yourself with positive people who are committed to growth and progress. “The quality of a person’s life is most often a direct reflection of their peer group’s expectations,” Tony says. Put the peer elevation theory to work in your life to solidify your position in the present.
6. RETURN THE FAVOR
Finally, as you work to understand how to let go of the past, find something greater than yourself to serve. Live for your family, your neighbourhood, and humanity. Motive is important, so look for motivations that are bigger than yourself. You have something to offer others, no matter how broke you are or how broken you feel – even if it’s something as simple as a smile or a listening ear. Your life will improve dramatically once you realise that giving is the secret to living, and you will be able to see how to move on from the past.
Your life is important, and if you align your priorities, you will be successful.
We’ve all lost something significant in our lives, which has caused us great sadness and pain. Perhaps you’re clinging to a relationship that you know is unhealthy in the hopes that things will return to how they were before all the pain and hurt.
One of the most difficult things you will face in life is letting go of your past in relationships or anything else significant. We prefer the familiar, and we will frequently choose known suffering over an uncertain future. We resist change and cling to the past long after it has served us no longer.
Lets Prod A While
So maybe you need a little prodding to see letting go of the past in a different light. The following are ten wonderful things that will occur once you begin to let go of your past.
Take note of the phrase “beginning to let go of your past.” Allowing yourself to let go is a lengthy process. However, the sooner you begin the process of letting go of what is causing you pain, the sooner you will see better days!
What happens When you let it Go
1. You’ll become aware of a new, more positive version of yourself.
“I make use of memories, but I refuse to let memories make use of me.” Anonymous.
Our brains are amazing amalgamations of pure wonder, computer processors, and organ tissues. Did you know, however, that your memories aren’t always accurate? Did you know that you have the ability to alter and define your memories today? You have the ability to change your future by focusing on what you choose to focus on. When we are experiencing a negative aspect of life, our brains search the past for similar memories to match up with the current negativity, confirming it. “You always end up in these bad relationships,” that voice says. Why do you do this all the time?” This is the result of the filtering and matching procedure. Your mind and memories will work together to create a powerful new positive version of your life once you let go of what is hurting you.
2. You’ll make space for something new.
“Some changes may appear to be negative at first, but you will quickly realise that they are making room in your life for something new to emerge.” Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now
You are squandering your present if you keep replaying the past. However, once you make the decision to let go of the past, you are drawn to new goals, new visions, and new people, all of which will lead you to a new chapter of growth in your life. Our lives aren’t supposed to be static. Change occurs for a reason, and the less resistance you create against it, the more opportunities for growth you will have.
Consider the process as if you were a tree that needed to shed its leaves and become bare. The miraculous arrival of Spring is the reason the tree has been stripped down to its core. The winter brings new growth that is both powerful and beautiful, as well as necessary for the tree’s survival. We aren’t trees, to be sure. We, on the other hand, go through the same type of growth and rebirth cycle throughout our lives. Accept the reality of it and make peace with it. Consider your entire life. How many changes did you despise at the time but now appreciate for the way they aided your development?
3. You’ll be grateful in the face of new challenges.
“The past should be viewed as a learning opportunity rather than a source of eternal punishment. “What has been done is done.” – Unidentified
Once you’ve overcome a challenge that life has thrown your way, you’ll be able to handle the next one with even more grace and ease. It takes practice to let go of the past and move on. Consider how difficult breakups were when you were younger. When you’ve had some dating experience, letting go and moving on becomes easier. The more you practise trusting yourself, the easier it becomes. Future change and more experiences that necessitate letting go are certain to come. The more we practise and become comfortable with this process, the more gracefully we will grow.
4. You’ll first learn to love yourself.
In our relationships, we all want to feel loved. However, loving yourself first is the key to feeling loved. No amount of other people’s actions or words can make up for a lack of love for yourself. We stay in unhealthy relationships because we are looking for something outside of ourselves when we should be looking for it within ourselves first. During this period of letting go, focus on yourself.
5. You will be an inspiration to others.
You will touch and inspire others without even realising it. I am always moved by the presence of smiling, kind-hearted, generous, tender souls who have experienced great loss. These people are living proof that if you let it, you can and will recover. You will own your past as a part of who you are when you let go of your past, and you will positively show others in your life how to let go with grace. I was in an abusive relationship when I was younger. I despise going over those memories again. However, I will do so if I believe it will benefit another person in need and encourage them to think differently.
6. You’ll get closer to achieving your goals.
We’ve all come for a reason. Every experience, every adversity, every burden, and even all of our hurts have shaped and formed us into the people we are today. We’re all here to bring the universe into balance in our own special and intricate way that only we can do. All of your experiences are forming the very fabric of your being, bringing you closer to the lesson you came to learn. Believe that each learning experience will help you get closer to understanding your life lesson. Each experience does not have to be viewed as positive or negative, but each experience is necessary for our growth to take place.
7. You will attract what you require naturally.
“Abundance is a letting go process; what is empty can receive.” Bryant H. McGill.
The part of your past that no longer fits in your life came to you when you were a completely different person than you are now. Is the person you are now the same as the person you were ten years ago? No, you are now a completely different person. You emit different vibrations than you did previously. Who you are now will naturally attract the situation, person, and future that you require at this time. Know it, believe it, and take a leap of faith into it. What you require will arrive at precisely the right time for you.
8. You’ll realise that you’re the only thing you really need.
“You can only lose what you have; you cannot lose who you are.” Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now
It’s wonderful to be in a happy, supportive, and loving relationship, but do you really believe that’s the only way to happiness? Take a look around you. Who do you know who isn’t married to someone who appears to have it all together? What are the things that they do differently? They find fulfilment in themselves and their interests, and they create a life that is not reliant on others. There’s a distinction to be made between love and attachment. It is not love when we become attached to and reliant on another for our own well-being and happiness. Love is free of attachment and reliance. If you love yourself as much as you love another person, your relationships will naturally improve.
9. Your empathy for others will improve.
You will become more sensitive to other people’s pain, in addition to inspiring others. We can see pain, loss, and disappointment in others when we have experienced them ourselves. You’ll have the compassion to notice the young girl at work who is in an unhealthy relationship. You’ll have the knowledge and empathy to empathise with her suffering and offer support. Your experience has transformed you into a more advanced, soulful person who can now share what you’ve learned with others. We’ve all come together to support and assist one another on this journey.
10. You will know what is good for you in your heart.
“Regret does not remind us that we did something wrong; rather, it reminds us that we know we could have done better.” Kathryn Schultz (Kathryn Schultz)
We go through things that aren’t good for us when a relationship ends. These can be things that others have done to us that we know are against our core values or things that we have done to ourselves. When we don’t get the love and support we want, we can become bitter and enraged. We can punish ourselves with guilt if we hold on to our grief. Bitterness, anger, and grief can only be held for so long before we have to let go of the pain. We recognise that these burdens are poisoning our hearts and depriving our souls of the joy they require to thrive. As a result, we must learn to feel more deeply about what is good for us. That is how we learn to do better, live better, and make better choices in the future.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on what letting go has taught you, as well as any positive growth you’ve experienced as a result of learning to let go.
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