No one needs or wants anger in their lives, but it is there in every aspect of our existence. We become enraged multiple times throughout the day about little stuff. Despite the fact that we have read numerous books, browsed numerous websites on the internet, praised numerous slogans, Quotes and sayings on Anger and how to control anger, and forwarded thousands of WhatsApp quotes on anger in our lives, we are all engulfed in anger and display anger on a daily basis. What’s the matter? Why is it so difficult to control our anger and ego?
Let us pause for a moment to reflect and consider. Is it not our ego that causes us to be angry? Wouldn’t that be the frustration that causes us to be afraid, which then leads to anger? Why are we so self-aware and egoistic all of the time? Or why is it that we always want things to go our way? Was it necessary to have gotten so strict that we don’t have room for others? Why are we so shrewd and attempt to live in our confined mindset and comfort zone, refusing to venture into uncharted territory? Why are we so cynical about our choices and picky about our desires?
Let’s Take a Look at What Anger Is
“Anger is both a choice and a habit. It’s a trained response to frustration in which you act in ways you don’t want to. Severe rage is, in fact, a sort of insanity. When you lose control of your conduct, you are insane. As a result, when you’re enraged and out of control. Anger is a strong emotion that you experience when anything goes wrong or when someone wrongs you. Stress, frustration, and irritation are common feelings associated with it. Anger is something that everyone experiences from time to time. It’s a totally typical reaction to challenging or stressful conditions.
How to Recognize Anger
We all exhibit anger differently, thus it doesn’t appear the same in everyone. Screaming may be an outlet for some people’s fury, while others may express their rage by physically assaulting an object or even another person.
Anger is a natural human emotion, but it’s crucial to learn how to express it in a healthy way so that we don’t alienate those around us. It’s also crucial for your mental health to express your anger in a healthy way.
Why We Get Angry
Anger can be triggered by both external and internal factors. Anger can be triggered by a person or an event. You can be enraged because someone in front of you in line cut in front of you. When you are emotionally upset, threatened, in pain, or in a conflict, you may become enraged.
Anger can be used to mask other emotions we don’t want to deal with, such as emotional anguish, fear, loneliness, or loss. Hence it has a role in these situations. Anger can be a reaction to physical pain, fear, or to protect yourself from a perceived attack. It can also be a reaction to a stressful circumstance.
Anger is frequently triggered by a factor that can be rational or irrational. Anger can be triggered by a variety of factors, including:
- Dealing with a loved one’s death
- Having a job loss
- When you’re going through a breakup, it’s important to stay positive.
- Failure to complete a task or a job
- Being exhausted
- Having an accident or contracting a disease that causes physical alterations in your body (for example, losing your sight or your ability to walk)
Anger can also be a sign or symptom of a medical problem. Anger can be a sign of depression, substance addiction, ADHD, or bipolar disease, among other things.
Different Catagories of Anger
Anger can be divided into three categories.
Anger that is both passive and aggressive: A person attempts to suppress their anger in order to avoid dealing with it, but this rarely works and ends up expressing it in dangerous and self-destructive ways.
Assertive Anger: Expressing anger in this way can be beneficial. It entails controlling your wrath by gently explaining and attempting to alleviate the problem with your words. Anger is expressed in a non-threatening manner here.
Openly Aggressive Anger: This sort of rage may be followed by physical or verbal aggressiveness, such as screams or punches. The goal of this form of rage is usually to emotionally or physically harm the person to whom it is directed.
Anger can be communicated in two different ways: verbally or nonverbally.
When someone displays their anger orally, they are more prone to raise their voices. If their rage is directed at another person, they may become disrespectful and utter unpleasant things.
In a person who expresses themselves nonverbally, you’ll notice some little physical changes.
Now, let’s look at Ego
The two sides of the same coin are rage and ego. Controlling ego would result in a significant reduction in rage. A calm and mature mind that is egoless will allow you to observe things from a different perspective. You are immediately less egoistic if you are unselfish. As a result, you are in a blissful and happy condition. When you are happy and do not seek financial pleasures or when you conquer your desires and demands, you reach a new level of understanding that allows you to laugh your blues away.
We have a tendency to believe that we are always correct and that the rest of the world is incorrect. What we’re saying has to be heard and taken seriously. In the eyes, the ego is like dust. We can’t see things clearly unless the dust is cleared. So get rid of your ego and explore the world. Egoistic people are incapable of listening to the truth. As a result, most people avoid dealing with such people since dealing with them is extremely stressful, and no one wants to add more stress to their lives. In a nutshell, we become furious when our ego is not fulfilled, and we become pleased when it is.
What Causes EGO
Ego results from the fear of being powerless or of losing the person or belonging. They believe that acting aggressively and overreacting is the most effective method to demonstrate their strength. Anger is utilised as a defence mechanism in response to feelings of helplessness. Simply ask yourself, “What am I frightened of?” whenever you feel angry. If the motorist isn’t driving safely and you’re yelling at him, it’s possible that you’re terrified of accidents that could result in property damage.
Ego is the inability to be natural, to feel at ease, and to feel a sense of belonging. Separation and non-belongingness are characteristics of the ego. It’s a desire to acquire and prove oneself.
The ego prevents love from flowing freely. This is what causes you to be tense and have trouble. It makes you stiff, it makes you suffer, and it makes your eyes well up with tears. Heaviness and discomfort are caused by ego.
When does ego come into play?
- no one is paying attention to you.
- you appear to be losing focus.
- Or when you attract attention.
Your ego instils dread in you: what will others think of me? Is it true that they respect me or not? Ego adds value to someone else’s thoughts, which are always fleeting. Ego requires the presence of the other person. Your ego crumbles when you’re alone. As a result, a very egoistic individual is either very comfortable or very uncomfortable being alone.
They want someone else to express their ego, or they prefer to be alone since they are bored of expressing themselves all the time and nothing has worked. If you are natural, it makes no difference whether there are people or not, because you are the same. In different firms, egoistic persons behave differently.
How Can You Get Over Your Ego And Anger?
Don’t try to get rid of or obliterate the ego now. Simply be aware of it and let go. Simply do nothing about it (your awareness of it is good enough). Trying to get rid of your ego becomes a difficulty. The answer is actually rather easy.
8 Activities that help you let go of your ego and arrest anger
1. Recite a soothing mantra to yourself.
Repeating a calming phrase might help you express unpleasant emotions like anger and irritation more easily. When you’re feeling overwhelmed by a circumstance, calmly repeat “Take it easy” or “Everything’s going to be okay.” If you want, you can say it out loud, but you can also say it silently or in your brain. You can also have a list of phrases on your phone as a quick reminder before a difficult meeting or a stressful work presentation.
2. Act naturally, as if you were a child.
The best cure to ego and reduce anger is to act naturally, as if you were a child, and to feel at ease. When naturalness takes over and you feel at ease with everyone, ego cannot sustain or exist. For you, naturalness is the antidote. Make an effort to be spontaneous! The ego despises spontaneity. Ego desires to display things well and to plan ahead of time. Children are incredibly impulsive. They make mistakes all the time and don’t seem to mind. Simply act as though you were a youngster. Allow anyone to say anything negative about you.
3. Prioritize your goals over your passions.
Emotion burns off, whereas those with purpose — think of it as passion paired with logic — are more committed and have more control over their path. Let go of the reins of power. With success, the poisonous need to control and micromanage everything is usually revealed. Ego begins to insist that everything be done my way – even the tiniest, most insignificant details. The solution is easy to understand. A wise man or woman must constantly remind themselves of their strength and reach limitations. It’s straightforward, but not simple.
4. Make your ego bigger.
The first is a Transparent Ego (childlikeness), and the second is an Expanded Ego. Both have the same meaning. The Expanded Ego implies that everyone is included, that everyone belongs to me, and that everyone has a sense of belonging to me. Everything revolves around me. So, either build up your ego and make it large or transform it with modest acts of innocence and simplicity. Both make the ego appear to be transparent.
5. You must be a person who has realised the essence.
No one or scenario can shake you when you consider yourself as a witness, free from your ego. Can you relax when people laugh at you? Relax when people are pointing at you. Accept it with a smile. A mother’s ego is non-existent. She accepts everything the kids say. Does the mother become agitated if they kick? You have overcome the ego if you are unaffected. Ego is just the sensation of having a barrier between you and others. When there is no barrier between us, you and I are one. You are accepted in your current state.
6. Get rid of your anger before you lose your mind.
“Whom the gods desire to ruin, they first call promising,” wrote Cyril Connolly. You can’t let your youthful arrogance take you astray. Every day, you must remind yourself how much work remains to be done, not how much has been completed. Keep in mind that humility is the cure to arrogance and anger. You can perform Yoga to control emotions.
7. Recognize your triggers and look for alternatives.
If your everyday commute makes you enraged and frustrated, consider taking a different route or arriving at work earlier. Do you have a loud coworker who taps their foot all the time? Consider investing in some noise-cancelling headphones. The goal is to identify and comprehend the things that make you angry. You can take steps to prevent falling prey to them once you’re more aware of what they are.
If you’re not sure where your anger is coming from, remember to take a breath the next time you’re upset. This is a good opportunity to reflect on what transpired in the moments preceding up to your rage. Were you with someone in particular? So, what were you up to? What were your emotions like building up to that point?
8. Get in touch with nature and the larger universe.
Going out into nature is a tremendous experience that we should take advantage of as often as possible. Nothing is more powerful than material achievement in luring us away from it. Get out there and re-establish contact with the rest of the world. Recognize how insignificant you are in comparison to everything else. It’s referred to as the “oceanic feeling” by French philosopher Pierre Hadot. Standing beneath the giant redwoods, on the edge of a cliff, or close to the pounding waves of the ocean, there is no ego.
How Anger and Ego becomes Self Destructive
Anger is a killer: it kills the person who is enraged because each rage makes him less than he was before – it takes something away from him. – L’Amour, Louis
At times, we’re all irritated. As part of the human condition, we require fury. It is a critical defence system that can protect us from danger. The problem is that when our anger spirals out of control, it becomes a destructive force that can destroy ourselves, our relationships, and our self-esteem.
Some people suppress their rage but snap at friends and family at the tiniest of things. Others become quite calm when they are upset, as they attempt to control their emotions. Many of us, of course, scream and yell.
Similarly, ego is a poison that ruins a person’s character. People that are egotistical in nature do not listen to what others have to say and always make their own decisions. Being strong and not lowering themselves for any reason or scenario may bring an egoistic person inner happiness, but it will inevitably ruin a person’s personality and valuable relationships with others.
If you drop a drop of poison into a glass of milk, the milk loses its purity and becomes a glass of poison. A person who is egoistic is an example of this.
People who are egoistic in nature use ego as a self-defence weapon to hide their inadequacy, and they strive to establish their self-esteem in the outside world, but they don’t realise that ego is self-destructive.
If a person is egoistic and unwilling to adapt to the outside world, he or she will undoubtedly lose the true satisfaction that the outside world provides. The egoistic character of a person decreases their self-esteem and generates a poor impression in other people’s minds.
The ego is the primary cause of disagreement amongst people. When both people are unequal in terms of education or wealth, ego emerges. But ego is such a horrible attitude that it always causes people to have difficult times, and I’ve seen many people split up and keep their distance because of ego. Every person’s life is marked by adjustment. Those with ego struggle to fit in with others because they believe their thinking level and aspirations are unimportant to others and thus have an aloof demeanour. Over time, such people are marginalised and forgotten.
How To Take Control Of Your Life Without Getting Being Angry Or Being Egoistic
There are things you can do to help you regulate your anger and feel like you’re regaining control of your life. Clients often find that working on issues with a counsellor or an anger management specialist is the most helpful. However, in general, a counsellor will assist you in relaxing and creating a safe space between the stimulating occurrence and the outburst of anger so that you can begin to pick your response. Physical impacts, such as blood pressure, stress, and anxiety, can all be alleviated by relaxation.
Your therapist will work with you in real-life circumstances to help you discover the sources of your anger and how to change your thinking so that you can master damaging beliefs and replace them with more useful behaviours. There will frequently be tools and techniques that you can apply in real life – for example, Learning how to be assertive can help you take control of your life once more.
Meditation can help you reconnect to your original genuine self. Human beings exist on seven different levels. Body, Breath, Mind, Intellect, Ego, Memory, and Self are all parts of the human body. Inner serenity, joy, higher truth, present moment, and true freedom are all experienced when all seven levels are in harmony.
The stresses of everyday life disturb this balance and prohibit us from experiencing the divine reality. SKY Breath Meditation aids in the release of deep-seated stress, connects us to our actual selves, and promotes pleasant vibrations and a sense of connection with ourselves and others. With everyone surrounding us, we begin to feel at ease and natural. Learning how to be assertive can help you take control of your life once more. Prayanam techniques and Yoga helps to a large extent in controlling Anger and to lessen unnecessary ego in you.
Anger and ego must be balanced in order to live a successful and happy life. Although these two necessary parts of existence cannot be lived without, we have seen that excessive anger and ego lead to self-destruction. As a result, we must practise the following in order to live a happy and fulfilled life, which we all desire.
Consider what you’re saying before you say it. It’s easy to say something you’ll later regret in the heat of the moment. Once you’ve regained your composure, vent your rage, make an effort to get some exercise, take a break, think about various options, use comedy to relieve tension rather than holding a grudge. Learn to forgive and let go. “The weak can never forgive….”
Practice being open and honest and allow yourself to let go of your demand for control. Enjoy some quiet time with yourself while practising gratitude and a simplistic life.
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